From Metamorphosis by Barrett Nash · Volume 1: Hallucinating Consciousness · Book I: The Story of Grandfather Moses · Part One of Two.
Prologue
(Narrator)
Welcome Thank you for choosing to listen to this story I look forward to sharing this journey with you Please do not feel you have to listen / Of course you are free / Do not listen as a favour / Do not listen as a burden Listen because, for some few hours, you are willing to hallucinate / And think of the nature of god / And think of the nature of purpose I do ask, if you start, that you finish / I worry about leaving you stranded halfway on the journey This work is designed to be an attack / It is not passive I do not want to hurt you / I do not want you to be hurt I would like you to think of existence and marvel But I cannot hide the pain of existence / The sharp contours of reality This would be the appropriate time to stop / And know that I wish you blessings and goodness Now if you are still here / If anyone is still here beside myself / Between now and the end of history Let us begin
Before we meet our characters I would like to ask you a question We are heading towards extinction This is a fact / Isn’t it? In order to be / There must be a state of non-being Like the ostrich with its head in the ground / Who wants to think about extinction? Our extinction is not polite conversation So before talking of extinction let’s talk about the opposite How long have human beings been alive? Where do human beings come from? We are an unbroken chain going back to the very first cells The very first molecules The very first act of life Originating from a period that is pre-Jurassic, pre-Cambrian, pre-first-fish, pre-simple-virus Perhaps even related to the extra matter of the big bang the Dirac equation alludes to If you look at our genus, Homo, we go back to Homo habilis / Two million years ago A bipedal predecessor, Homo erectus, roamed the world for a million years Travelling to every corner of the world And here we are, human beings / Homo sapiens sapiens And I think if you were to ask any serious individual “When will human beings annihilate ourselves?” The faith in our continued existence shrinks to a few centuries With centuries being very small units of time Look at the radicalness of our own lifetimes Of the last one or two centuries We went from shooting people with primitive muskets to the dropping of atomic bombs To landing someone on the moon To having enough intercontinental missiles, at the peak of the Cold War To annihilate the entire surface of the world a dozen times over Wars with tanks and horses on the same battlefield And things aren’t getting more stable, they’re getting less stable Nuclear weapons are proliferating We’re experiencing the potential of biological warfare We’re watching the crumbling of the United States empire in real time Not really sure what fills it We’re passive to the hacking of human nervous systems by for-profit enterprises Free will under assault, if it ever existed Our children born into brands, raised by social media, living as cows milked by trillion-dollar companies What is the end of this? It’s a horrible thing to believe that we are in the end of days Population zero just a matter of time / Mind, body or soul If not in the next fifty years, then in the next five hundred years Which for all intents and purposes is the same thing We witness our perspective through the news cycle But perhaps we are too focused on the microscopic As Pynchon says, get people asking the wrong questions and who cares about the answers What we will focus on together in this story is a different perspective We will look into our shared past Exploring the feel of history as it sits in my own mind / As it comes to my own lips And I invite you to feel for the same story in your own mind / To tell it as it comes to your own lips For this story is just as much your story as my story Our shared ancestors have been here before Our genus of Homo has almost gone extinct There was a period about seventy-five thousand years ago Before human beings had left Africa When there was a population bottleneck When we, Homo sapiens, almost went extinct There were just one thousand human beings left on planet earth Like a village left Smaller than my high school And what we will seek to comprehend is: what does it mean to be in your own head As your species faces extinction And also How did that invert? Because around this same time something happened called the cognitive revolution When human beings gained that most human of traits: consciousness The trait that separates human beings from all other animals on earth And from every other entity in the universe From a star to a force of nature like Gravity Everything else we have found in the universe is not conscious We are conscious Everyone instinctively knows what consciousness means But what does it actually mean? When a dog whimpers in fear, is that consciousness? When a monkey is able to get into an argument with another monkey: is that consciousness? I think we would say no, but why not? So, Human beings almost went extinct But instead gained consciousness And I don’t know how that happened There was no historical record People were hunter-gatherers But what we are going to do with this work We are going to hypothesize We are going to hypothesize by telling the story of Moses Not the Jewish Moshe Rabbenu Or Christian Moses Or Quranic Musa Or Krishna Or Zoroaster But Grandfather Moses / Our shared elder Let us try to understand If there really was at some point in time a man like Moses The genesis of so many stories that have circulated through civilizations The oldest story that feels real in the fractals of my neocortex Who was he? What did he do? What was this one man’s individual capability in transforming a population bottleneck leading towards extinction Into the gaining of consciousness I’m not going to try to apply what this means for our own situation or our own society All I am going to do is try to tell the story as truthfully as I feel it Listening to the honesty in my heart, Knowing that somewhere in my mind the original oral history still lives / Just as it lives in your mind as well In order to tell the story truthfully I am going to stop telling the story from the narrative of myself I am going to put myself into the world of Moses I am going to let Moses tell the story in his own words And if you choose to listen, hopefully by a fire over four nights One night for each of the four parts of this story Listen to him as you would listen to your Grandfather A mixture of indulgence, respect and love / Knowing that he is on your side And now I am going to hand it over to him The start of the story
Chapter I
And then something out of nothing
Some of my first memories take place before I had a concept of time While many of my fellow tribe members’ first memories of me / Are things that I do not remember My earliest memory Would be staring up at the blue sky Lying on my back I think I must be a baby And it felt safe And the sky was blue And I felt like I was falling up, into the sky Endless Floating Flying Most of my fellow tribe members’ first memories of me Or at least those of an age to remember Are of when I was first brought to the tribe I am not from these people But it is true they opened their doors to me And they have given me a lot If I cannot call it love At least there is food in my belly And a direction to be walking in And stories to listen to And there are days with much laughter My own tribe, the people whose blood runs in my veins, are people I don’t know much about Their stories are lost to me I don’t know what made them walk I don’t know if it was just like we are today Or if it was a different thing, a different direction Different hopes, different dreams, different habits What I know is that it is taboo to talk about my past I also know That everyone I used to be with Apart from myself They are dead And not the peaceful dead of moving into that blue sky But a dead that is unpeaceful I know that the stone King wears around his neck The one he uses to start fires It comes from my people And I know that if anyone was to try to take the stone from King He would fight them to the death I am not sure how the stone of my people came to King I have known since my first memories that it is better not to ask
Today we are a small tribe We know that we used to be larger in number Just as we know there used to be more meetings with others who look like us Whose sounds sound like the sounds we make And whose way of walking is like our way of walking But every year Every revolution around the sun Every cycle change of the stars We become smaller and smaller in number But we are still here We are still present And we are still walking forward There are just a few of us But we are big in spirit
There is my half brother Goliath We were nursed together as babes He has always been physically bigger than me He is the dauphin of the tribe The future leader It is in every particle of his being To know that it is his destiny to be our master There are moments of wonderful conversation between us And we often walk side by side Enjoying the world together We can both be filled with laughter The beating sun on our faces The breeze through the skins we wear But He can also be cruel He believes there is a set of rules for everyone else And then a set of rules just for him And I can tell you That I have seen him in fits of rage that scared me It is not good to be scared of another human being Especially one who is your brother
Then, There is Goliath’s father, King Who wears the stone of my people And raised me as a son I do expect that the story of my people Does not have a positive point of intersection With the tribe of King But I do know that King has been a good father to me And a good leader of our tribe He is someone who does listen Who brings many skills Who is fair Even if he is uncompromising Every moment of his existence is one of fundamental unweakness He is a strong stick that I do not believe the world has it in it to break or even bend
Then, There is Goliath’s mother and King’s wife: Grandma She is the keeper of the culture of our tribe She tells us stories in the evening And makes us know that we are not alone in the world That we are a part of a greater essence A part of a greater world She has taught us about the universe and existence And what it means to feel your heart pumping and to be alive She will never do anything to cross or betray King or Goliath They are a tribe within a tribe She protects them first Then she is fierce in protecting all of us And she has been as my mother And there is a great amount of love in my heart for her Even when I know that she treats me as secondary to Goliath
Then, There are just a few others of us Some I will not go into detail on They are the characters that fill our tribe Important in that they show the resilience of who we are as a people Maybe this story isn’t the story where they are the center But there are a few who are important There is my friend Amen Who is a voice of goodness and strength in my ear And the most wonderful human being that I have ever met She makes a safe place wherever she is in the world I trust the goodness in her heart There may be love in my heart for her But I am unsure if that is the right word for the emotion I feel There is Dallas Who is always a voice of reason Who always listens flexibly He is very much King’s man He is the one who can communicate to King different sides In a way that can allow King to be more amenable And more in control Dallas may be the real center of our tribe It is very often his view that becomes the one we follow But his views are based on fairness and logic Empathy and comprehension Outside of these, We number twenty-five There are few children and they are precious to us We endure together We walk together Searching for food Searching for a nice place to rest our heads Searching for a place to make fire, call camp and fill our bellies And survive for another day
King has the capability to make fire We have seen from a distance other tribes They have not been able to make fire the way King can They find fire from lightning, but they cannot make it with their own hands King makes the fire in secret when we aren’t watching All we know is he uses the stone he wears around his neck that came from my people It is the thing that gives him power Not just in our tribe but over every tribe He is fire starter He is fire man And with that fire We have heat We have warmth We have food We have power We’ve banished our fear of the dark away And we are united together United against the infinite darkness that invades the world around us The fire is the center of our lives It is the thing that makes us different than the world around us We take it extremely seriously We make sure that the fire is respected and worshipped When we start a fire King says words of thanks to the fire We all bow our heads and let him speak to give the fire its proper space
Then over the evening As the darkness settles in And we can see the stars above us So many in number That sometimes we argue whether the sky is white with black specks Or black with white specks Grandma tells us stories of where we come from Of the Garden of Eden A place that was perfect But that we were banished from For the mistakes we made She tells us the stories of why we need to be good followers Because it was by not following that we were banished from Eden And why every day we need to suffer We need to suffer Because we are sinners And we have done wrong And the only thing that should drive us Is the motivation that if we live a life of following A life of following King And following his rule Perhaps, We can be forgiven And re-find the Garden of Eden I like these stories in the evening Grandma is an incredible storyteller Sometimes she’ll tell the same story again and again But each retelling is a little bit different And I love to hear the differences Just as I feel safe knowing That the story is a story That I know the beginning, the middle and the end And even if sometimes the lessons are hard and painful The characters can have so much richness and depth It is worth falling into them in the nighttime
The nighttime is my favourite time It’s the time when I get to lean back quietly Being in my head And know the swirling, fluttering thoughts Of what can only be called my mind A time when I am free And as I stare in the fire And my brain levitates Up, down, sideways In and out of my soul I feel what it is to know that I have purpose in my being alive Even if I don’t know what to do with this feeling of purpose This essence of spirit / That can flow from me When I am free in the evenings Is something I consider holy Then as I fade to sleep I hear others speak of dreams Dreams of hunting Dreams of carnality Dreams of picking fruit Dreams of walking But myself, I very rarely dream And when I do dream It is not a good experience Often, I just have my brain turn off As what I must imagine is the feeling of death Disappearance The stopping of existence And then To awaken in the sunshine of the morning My brain rising, like the sun And the push to get up and begin another day Though I always try to take a few moments To feel peace And feel the spirit If nighttime, just as my brain flutters to oblivion, is my favourite time Then my second favourite would be waking in the morning With my eyes still shut Feeling the warmth of the sun creeping over my head Feeling my brain imagining different realities Of what the day, and the world and my lifetime can hold And I take pleasure in relaxing in the euphony of what my brain allows me The freedom to think And then With my will and power That is built, not innate I will open my eyes And begin the challenge of the day To make sure that we are all safe That we are all protecting each other That we have food in our bellies Water in our water carriers And that we get through another day safely And in peace For not every day will end safely Or in peace
Chapter II
Let’s go together through a normal day
I wake up and we of King’s tribe are circled around the embers of the fire Some of us will have stayed up late watching to make sure that animals stay at bay But this last night I was able to sleep well My feet poking towards the fire I am covered in the skin of a gazelle And I feel warm I feel cozy And I look up And I see the blue sky The sun breaking / Just rising And I stretch my arms behind my head And I feel good The world is a fantastic thing The ground has been soft I have next to me, on my left, Amen Still asleep Curled in her own gazelle skin Slightly snoring Then on my other side is Dallas Who is snoring a bit loudly But he’s the one who had been keeping the watch And deserves more rest I stand and see I am one of the first ones awake I see Goliath in the distance on the far side of the fire Also awake Doing his morning stretches and his morning rituals I walk over to a little stream that we are camping next to I throw water on my face Now I feel more awake and more ready to start the day It’s interesting how as the sun comes up Our minds naturally awaken And know that it is time to get the day started We don’t need to say anything, we just act, we just move We know the purpose of the day It is to have our stomachs well fed And this place where we have spent the last night It is not a place where there will be any more food So if we are going to be fed It is time to begin moving We pack up the small number of things we have Our blankets, our wooden spears A few odds and ends A flute made out of horn that Grandma makes beautiful music through The special jewelry that we adorn ourselves in on festival days We wrap them in our skins to keep them safe In just a few moments after everyone is awake We are very close to being ready to go We have some small food that we collected yesterday We eat to break the fast Some wild berries Some tubers we found in the ground We are now sitting, waiting, munching on the food Waiting for King to start King Who is the last one up Lying under the skin of a lion Eyes open staring at the sky It is he we are waiting on to give the motion that it is time to move He puts his head up He stands, We all look him in the eye And then, he starts moving We follow Nobody says anything Later in the day we will be telling stories Singing Having fun Camaraderie As we take the pleasures we can of the journey together But now, It is still early Our heads are still quiet And we are just going Going forward We walk in single file Behind King as he takes us wherever we are going to go We have trust in King This is his position He has brought us safely so far We are still here When many others are not still here And he is the one that makes the fire And he who makes the fire is our leader We swear allegiance to him We call him our King For he is our King We would not have safety without him We would not have light in the darkness Warmth in the cold A weapon against predators And King is a good King He treats us fairly He treats us with respect
Now, It is the middle of the day The sun directly over our heads Making our shadows almost invisible We get a good view of our surroundings This is a hostile environment Wide open expanses Dry grass scorched in the sunlight Trees here and there casting a limited shadow Enough for a prairie dog to huddle under But nothing to break the incredible heat Desolation As far as we can see in every direction It is a scene of emptiness And quiet This is not a place of abundance This is not Eden We truly have been kicked out of Eden Or else it has disappeared For this is not an environment that our species was made to thrive in But we will survive And we have survived And while Gravity brings us close to the surface We still move forward, with direction Following King
When the sun is at its absolute hottest King stops He says some of the first words we have heard this day “Today is a good day to hunt” “We need meat in our diet” “And I see on the horizon that there are animals” “Gazelles” “It is time to get busy” Hunting is a challenging affair The women stay with the children and try to keep them safe This is not work for women This is work for men Death may happen An animal kicks a hunter in the head Women are more precious than men Women can have children / While men cannot If there were one hundred men and one woman / Then in a year’s time the tribe could be one hundred and two If there was one man and one hundred women / Then in a year’s time the tribe could be two hundred and one We men must keep the women safe We take off the skins we have been using to keep the incredible heat from breaking our skin Our naked skin, Without any fur Exposed to the sun White as a dog’s underbelly And we go Us men Goliath, King, Dallas, myself and a few others We begin to jog towards the horizon My eyes are not as good as King’s I cannot see the animals he’s spotted But he is an experienced hunter And I trust him And I follow him We go towards the horizon We go towards the horizon We go towards the horizon I now see a dot in the distance This must be the gazelle that King is seeing There are in fact five different dots We keep going towards them And they keep staying away from us And we go and we go and we go Unbreaking The gazelles are still ahead, still ahead We are not catching them But they tire in a different way than we humans become tired They’re not able to take the heat from the sun the way we can I don’t entirely understand it But we humans We are not fast, we are not strong But we can handle the heat differently While we are burning in the sun Our lungs are still staying powerful Still able to make us move forwards, no matter the heat Where the gazelles will have to stop and pant / Their weakness The dots are still on the horizon But they are bigger dots than they were before I turn my head around and I see that our own tribe Are now dots smaller than the gazelles They are far behind us We keep going forward Jogging forward Moving forward The sun is a terrific heat It hurts It’s burning our exposed flesh The pain is acute but it will only be fully felt tomorrow Ideally, when there is solid meat in the stomachs of our womenfolk and our children All we have to do is outlast these gazelles We come forward / We come forward There is a tree Something that provides very little shade And we see the gazelles stop there We begin to move faster They try to be in the shade to cool down But we will not give them this luxury As we get closer They move on You can feel the gazelles’ reproach Why are we tiring them? Why can’t they just take a break? They are faster than us But still we keep moving Unbroken Unbroken We are getting closer We see them I can see their shapes I can see the markings on their rears And as we get closer They try to outrace us In a normal race they would be so much faster than us But you can feel their exhaustion We’re going We’re going The sun is beating down Ahhhhhh It is going to hurt tomorrow But this is the hunt All I am going to think about is the hunt I become closer We become closer Finally, One of the gazelles falls over Exhausted by its own fight against the heat The other gazelles keep moving A-tribe-oning the fallen gazelle And as we come closer We know that the hunt is ours King takes a wooden spear / And draws first blood We give him this right He takes his large stone knife And with a swift movement cuts the gazelle’s throat Now / We are going to have meat tonight We take twine made from the sinews of past hunts We make hand holds So that we can share in the carrying of the gazelle We begin the journey back towards our tribe There are no dots on the horizon So while Goliath, King and myself are carrying the gazelle Goliath using his hulk to carry an entire end While I help balance out King Dallas and some others are scouting Looking for the dots that will mean we have found our tribe We’re moving The sun is still so hot But not as hot as it was before The worst of the heat was used to kill the gazelle Our friend in nature Nature takes away, it burns, it hurts But it gives And human beings, weak as we are We are still able to harness the power of nature Together with nature we brought the gazelle down And while the pain of the sun is acute I feel gratitude We are going to survive better with meat in our bellies Finally, Someone says “Over there” And we see on the horizon the huddled women and children We come towards them Our skin no longer white but turned red Blemishes will sprout tomorrow, some with blood Pain is beginning to take form The women see us There is respect and cheers The women make soft compresses Made out of the leaves of trees filled with a gel that gives comfort They begin to prepare the meat for the evening meal This will be the first time we have eaten meat in several days It is rare to see animals on the horizon It is rare for a hunt to go as successfully as this one Often the animals get away Often an animal injures one of us We are going to cook this meat It’s easier to eat when it has been cooked on the fire Some days, When it has been raining, When it isn’t possible to have a fire We will eat the meat raw But it is challenging on our teeth It is work to chew Our old ones and young ones suffer So with the fire We are able to eat well We leave many pieces of meat on the edge of the fire Absorbing the smoke And in this way The bugs will not attack it And we can keep it strong So that it can feed us in future days
And as we sit around the fire Ready to eat meat We are feeling merry It is always a great day when there is meat Before we sit down to have the first bites King stands And says “It is your time to thank me” “For bringing this meat” And each of us sitting in a circle by his feet One by one Say “Thank you King for giving us this meat” “Thank you King for giving us this meat” “Thank you King for giving us this meat” And then Once the final person Goliath Says “Thank you King for giving us this meat” King takes the first bite of meat And says “It is good, please enjoy” And we begin to eat Everyone is in a good mood when they are eating meat Children are jumping up and down / Running around Women are laughing And we who hunted, even as our skin burns from the hunt We are able to feel free and laugh
The sun has gone down We keep watching the fire We are going to need to stay up very late tonight Dangerous animals are smelling the meat They are going to prowl The women have been successful in collecting small amounts of wood We take fire from the main fire And we make some small secondary fires / On the edge of our tribe To keep the animals away To give us the light to see moving shadows just beyond our edge Ready to take a small child away Or jump into the fire and take our meat We stay awake, so that it’s not just one sentry but all of us taking some of the work As late as we can, into the night To keep the beasts of the night at bay
It’s time to hear a story Grandma takes her bone flute And says “Which story would you like to hear tonight?” One of the children shouts “Tell us the story of Adam and Eve” “Tell us the story of the Garden of Eden” Grandma has a bit of a smile She goes “Let me give you a deal” “I’m going to tell you two stories of the Garden of Eden” “One is true” “And one is a lie” “And it’s up to you to guess which one is which” “I don’t want you to tell anyone which is the right one” “But I want you to hold it in your heart” “And share with the people that you love” “For the rest of your life” “What is the true story of the Garden of Eden” “And” “Know that it is the true story” “How you feel it” “Is the truth of where we come from” “But know that not everyone feels the same way”
“One story goes like this” “It is the story of your great great great great great great grandparents” “In the time before anyone remembers” “We choose to call two of them, a man and his wife, Adam and Eve” “They are our parent’s parent’s parent’s parent’s parent’s parents” “Their blood is in your veins” “During this time we were in a place that was paradise” “Every tree was loaded with fruit” “The ground was soft” “There were no animals that would hurt us” “Just animals that we could eat” “And the fire was good” “Every night we were comfortable” “Every day we were at peace” “All we had to do was enjoy the fatness of the earth” “Everything was pleasurable” “Adam and Eve would enjoy the bounty of this garden” “Nothing to hurt their skin” “Their stomachs never empty” “Their children wild at play” “Adam as a King” “Eve and his children as his doting subjects” “Worshipping Adam as a God” “Half man half deity” “But,” “It was not to be forever” “One day a voice came from the sky / And spoke just to Eve” “And,” “There had never been a lie told between Adam and Eve” “But Eve chose to keep the voice from the sky a secret from Adam” “The voice from the sky told Eve ‘You are the slave of Adam’” “Eat this apple and you will be liberated” “And the tree the apple comes from” “It is called the Tree of Knowledge” “And with its fruit” “You will be free” “And be able to be anything” “And,” “As Eve ate the apple” “Eden fell” “For she was not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge” “Knowledge’s fruit being just for the man and not for the woman” “Adam’s paradise could not withstand a woman eating this forbidden fruit” “Eden was no longer perfect after a woman had tasted enlightenment” “Suddenly that which was paradise was no longer paradise” “Adam experienced her eating the apple” “And his only solution was to carry them and their children out of Eden” “He used his might to create chains around his family” “And if Eve or his children disobeyed / Adam would whip them” “Paradise was lost” “Why was paradise lost?” “Was it because of Eve for eating the apple from the Tree of Knowledge?” “Was it Adam for his weakness?” “Or was Eden already fragile? Its fall preordained?” “And,” “After Adam and Eve and their children left” “The good times of Eden were over forever” “Now, we walk every day” “Knowing that Eden can exist” “Knowing that we have never found it again” “If we were to find Eden again, would women again be tempted to eat from the Tree of Knowledge?” “Knowing it will cast us from perfection?” “Or would women keep their place?” “Being the slave to man to stay in perfection”
“That is one story” Grandma said “Don’t think yet if it’s the truth, or a lie, or something even different” “Wait for me to say this other story first” “Now let me tell you that it is true we were in the Garden of Eden” “Just as I tell you this” “My grandmother told me that her grandmother’s feet had touched the soft earth of a place that was indescribably perfect” “There was fat fruit on every branch of every tree” “The most delicious animals coming right to us / Basically slaughtering themselves” “The ground so soft that as you’d go to sleep the ground would form a perfect shape for your body” “But it was not to be” “The sky changed” “The ground became less perfect, more hard, more brittle” “The animals became rarer” “The fruit became poisonous” “The members of the tribe, who at the time were numerous” “They became sick” “From their insides liquid would flow” “They would have death” “Every day the tribe would shrink” “The specter of death filled the air” “Finally,” “Adam and Eve stood up and said:” “‘This place was perfection’” “‘But it is perfection no longer’” “‘Even though we know outside of Eden is not a good place’” “‘We know that if we are to stay here we are surely to perish’” “‘Any can stay,’” “‘But I Adam’” “‘And I Eve’” “‘We’re leaving here today’” “‘If any will follow, we invite you, but we do not force you’” “‘But today we fight our own extinction’” “‘We don’t say we are correct’” “‘But we say that we are taking action’” “‘And this is the action we are taking’” “And some followed Adam and Eve” “They were our ancestors” “So you are here today because of their actions” “And others didn’t” “And we don’t know what happened to them” “Except of this we are sure” “In my grandmother’s days they would find other tribes who are like us” “And then my parents spoke of meeting others who are like us” “And then I myself saw many who are like us” “But you young ones I know have seen very few who are like us” “And I fear that we are disappearing” “It’s a sadness because our line has potential”
Serendipitously soon after We were to meet and bond with the first other tribe Since the founding of myself in the blood of my parents
Chapter III
One day As we were walking This wild — I guess it would be a cow, but it was fast And fatter and larger than any animal we’d ever hunted Runs in front of us There were other human beings chasing after it with wooden spears Looking like us Dressed a little different They’re clearly tired And I look to King to see what sort of decision he’ll make And he looks to them And instead of being aggressive He bows down And the chief from the other tribe, breathing heavily Bows in return, arms open, in a sign of peace We don’t understand each other with words / But our bodies communicate our intentions King waves his hand saying ‘stop here’ He looks to me, to Dallas, to Goliath, to a few others Points to Goliath Says “Stay here with the womenfolk” “Make sure these new people are treated as our best guests” “And we’re going to go and get that animal” King starts running after the fat cow And Dallas and I, we start running with him We go This animal we’re chasing is tired and already injured bad But he’s still fast And he’s still big And we’re gonna get him because King is chasing King is in the front And we are following And we know that if King reaches him first Then King is in danger And King is our leader It is our job to protect him So we’re running and time is hard to follow Because time is mutable, not immutable And finally The animal is slowing down And King goes to the right Shouts to us to go to the left I go faster than Dallas King says “Attack from different directions” We’re all carrying wooden spears We run at the cow at the same time It’s Dallas who gets a good shot right at the head And bashes with the back of his spear as hard as he can And the animal goes down, fast And suddenly, there’s more meat than any of us, even King, has ever seen in one spot What do we do with this? The hunt ended not too far from our camp I yell at King “I will go get some help” I go back and I see our womenfolk helping out with the other tribe’s womenfolk They must have arrived while we were gone There is a feeling of peace, not war There’s many of us now, like in days gone by, as our two tribes are combined together We are okay We are at peace / My heart beats in a funny way I go up to the chief of the other tribe He who returned the bow of King / Who radiates authority and power I give him the same respect that I give to King More For it’s a way to show respect to this moment / That we are sharing together I communicate with my arms and my feet, like a dance, the success of the hunt I gesture to the malefolk with the stronger upper bodies To come with me to help carry the fat cow And I start jogging back, and I stop, And I give them a big wave saying ‘come on’ I try to gesture that their womenfolk will be safe here That we are not going far That everything is good The malefolk of the other tribe come with me Together we arrive at the cow We will carry it together Dragging it, pushing it, pulling it It’s a heavy animal! There’s no getting around that And they understand and we move the cow together / It is not far to our camp And we bring the fat cow back And we don’t understand a word of each other But we know that there is only one thing to do / With this great cow / Hunted together There is anticipation in the air as both tribes stand quiet together King stands grandiosely, calling attention to himself He bows, giving respect to the other King But it is clear that King is King King is always King King is moving like dancing / I can tell he is enjoying himself He gestures that he will leave and return And King comes back carrying fire Having made it in secret / To not reveal the power of the firestone And the other tribe gasps with amazement / For they cannot make fire And the womenfolk have been smart and prepared a big fire pit (Though I do notice they hadn’t finished setting it up until we’d brought that fat cow back) Then, both tribes side by side work together And there’s nothing but the fact that tonight There will be a celebration The day is still early We are using the fire even though the light is still with us We begin hacking apart the fat cow The other tribe knows everything we know Nothing is going to waste We’ve got big rocks around the fire We’re cutting pieces and on the rocks the cow’s flesh sizzles Each woman is transforming meat into art with herbs and twine While the children of the two tribes play together As if they were from the same King All are laughing and throwing more wood on the fire / Let us make the largest fire we have ever made And even myself I am cooking meat with an eye to make sure mine is the best I was a part of catching the cow after all And why cannot my meat be the most delicious? As we’re cooking the chief from the other tribe approaches the blaze And taking a huge pile of leaves from a hidden pocket He throws them on the fire And a new smell I have not smelled before fills the air Sweet as the sky and the grass combined Suddenly, there’s a smoke and we all feel good And safe And with each other Grandma has another grandma from the other tribe The grandma from the other tribe starts singing something beautiful And Grandma, not to be outdone, though for sure she does not understand a word of the song She grabs her bone flute, something she has not used with us for a very long time She makes beautiful music It’s really, really nice And from the other tribe, some of the young girls, they start singing with their grandma And they are beautiful I can see them I feel lust Their beauty enters my blood And there is the magic smoke in my lungs And meat in the air And the hunt is still around me And here are my people who are not my people but then no one is my people And it is as if I am flying, even though my feet feel the ground I’m not used to seeing other people We all begin eating the meat The children are playing the games of children, Who can be biggest Who can be fastest And we men and womenfolk join in Who can be the loudest Who can eat the most Goliath did win that one With King looking on with humour and obvious pride And the other chief with a smile on his face And the other chief throws more leaves on the fire And there is magic in our feet / We begin jumping and the ground reverberates with rhythm And the world feels more like colour than it feels like life And the flute is my blood And with the fire in the center now we are all in a circle Not organized, but there is a pattern We are waving our hands Left, right, up, down Forwards, backwards Follow the person in your front And feel the person behind follow you As if we are one great creature Follow the person to your left Follow the person to your right Call, Call as an animal in the wild Run to the middle and cry as a God And another comes and joins you And we are not just as an animal But as the fire A force that is not bound We are building There is the flute And the bass deepness of our feet thumping on the ground And the fire as our own sun And our shadows leaping / Big as trees And a moon or no moon, I cannot tell In the light of our life This is the sort of day where we are alive
Parts of life are accidental Parts of life are intentional Life as something we live but once
And now as the blue sky has faded it is clear that the moon is full It is a full moon It is a full moon It is a full moon Is God real? The fire spreads into our hearts The fire is in our genitals And we start dancing and moving Dancing free Liberating Our bodies shaking Perspiration Wild moving Circling In, out Suddenly, I’m surrounded by the other tribe Normally, I’d be scared but I’m not We’re together Moving Side by side The most outer part of my hand By accident Rubs against one of the girls that’s singing She feels it It is like lightning The energy of the air explodes It is like the reverse of fire I am absorbed in the touch My brain is filled with the absence of anything She is staring at me and she feels it too There are many things in the world that I know I do not understand We stare at each other and we are rotating around each other Just for a second I know that there is a way that I can act here Or a way I cannot act here That will change my life Because the meaning of life is something related to what I am feeling And I can move on and it disappears and the energy moves on And perhaps I never encounter this feeling again There is a choice And I stare at her And she barks into a laugh She can feel my confusion and my indecision She shuts her left eye then opens it again Looks left, looks right Then backs away, fading into the darkness And my heart collapses and I am hurt as from a spear Then she comes back to the circle again And my heart is full She is staring at me in the eyes / Wells as mysterious as the full moon / A smile radiating from her face I understand that here is a language that is easier to speak than the one with our tongues And she fades into the darkness again And I follow her And I follow her Now I am scared Death is in the darkness But she is there and she is fearless My God I come I feel the shock of touch again She is there Her hand resting on my arm And I grab her I push my lips onto her mouth Then I push away, But her hand is against my back, she is holding me close to her She says something She is holding me So I hold her back And we lie down And we hold each other, side by side And physicality is the purpose of existence As a strong hypothesis I don’t know if the way the night went is the purpose of this story Except for the fact that another human being contains the mystery of reality That night is and was something that I think about every passing of the sun But as I am here in it Knowing that the universe we have constructed will disappear as the light touches us We are holding each other now I am kissing her neck, biting her ear, having her lay her head on my chest I feel so safe Being naked together The touch of each other And the sun rises And the magic is still in us But time keeps moving Perhaps time is immutable after all An annoying limitation of this dimension We go back to the circle I stand with my tribe, she stands with hers We bow to each other The other tribe’s King turns around and starts walking Their grandma starts singing Our King turns around and starts walking Our Grandma starts to play the flute Our tribes separate, where once we were together now we are increasing in distance We will never see each other again But the night that did exist Something, I cannot say in words what it means to me More experiences like that should exist in our lives
Chapter IV
Time passes The days change The weather changes Food is harder to come by Children’s stomachs become round Mothers’ milk stops The specter of death walking among us Where have all the berries gone? Where is the voice of the songbirds? The land is empty of animals Every day we walk forward The desolation remains constant King tired and eyes grim Though he is still full of fire And every night we still make a fire His eyes hooded Grandma telling no stories Nothing in the air but our hunger Quiet A child dies after eating dirt We continue to go forward We see on the horizon where the earth touches the sky Spectacular mountains, Jagged and fierce Over the fire King tells us we must cross the mountains On this side, where we are, is nothing but death On the other side is the unknown It is not our purpose to die here, hungry We have a purpose, King tells us, even if we do not know it We must grow towards it Not give up Not give up He cannot promise what we find on the other side will be Eden It may even be death But it may be Eden What is for sure Is that the only thing that remains on this side Is death We go towards the mountains All realities existing simultaneously Ourselves in a position between all the realities Death more likely than life Yet, still the possibility of paradise It is dependent on the choices we make / While we are blind to the outcome of our choices Boiling roots and leaves to give us sustenance Quiet as we march forwards The air becomes cold We know it will become colder Death is in the air A mother dies We do not cry, our eyes are empty of tears We muster the energy to cover her body in stones The sadness in our hearts just a continuing burden Up and up The mountains grow larger in the sky But no closer no closer The weather cold Our stomachs empty The world around us in a forever quiet Our bodies shrivelling in front of our eyes Goliath a giant walking skeleton The children becoming insects The fire is still in King’s eyes What if the mountains never come? What if we all die before we reach them? Moving forward forever Stomachs distended More death / We leave these uncovered On the other side of the mountains is our only hope Fighting the infinite Inside our minds trying to create and fantasize new options We are now in the middle of the mountains How did we come here so suddenly? The air so fragile and cold King is taking us over the mountains through a pass How did he know it was there? Or does luck sometimes exist? Green grass is under our feet again One day, we wake up to birdsong Dallas captures the singing birds And we eat them for dinner Giving our children the eggs Dallas dies that night, he’d eaten none of what he found Sad, for here we are now on the other side The endless journey does have an end / Though for many it was their infinite They never knew that infinite had an end There is a forest now and there are animals and we catch rabbits and we eat and Grandma starts telling stories again King is tired Many realities did not come to pass We could not have predicted this reality But King chose to make this reality happen And for his guidance We have our lives
Chapter V
And then my brother asks me “Why is it you act this way?” And I say to Goliath “This is the only way I know” “All there is in the world is truth” “Truth and goodness” “And I am not the judge” “I let my heart decide” “I speak as my heart tells me to” And he looks at me in frustration “Why can’t you just be normal?” I tell him “Goliath,” “Why do you act this way?” And he says because this is the way that a human being is supposed to be And I ask him how does he know this? And he says because it is obvious / It is how all the world acts “Strength in the hunt” “The raising of children” “The leading of our people” He is doing that which he is supposed to do And then I ask him but what does your heart tell you? And he looks at me irritated “What does my heart have to do with this” “What does that even mean?” What I would love him to say is that he wants to impress me and impress all the world And that he does this because he is afraid Afraid of what if the world doesn’t love him That he does not know himself He is unaware if he is good or bad or the devil But he does not give me the pleasure to say this Instead, he looks at me with irritation “You know it’s weird how you are acting / You should not act this way” His words hurt me “And then how should I act?” “You should fill your role” “But what is my role?” “You can be whoever you want!” “But then I choose to be as I am / And if I am right, then is that not okay? / And if I am wrong and I hurt no one, then am I not free to be myself? / I do not tell you to be anything else other than yourself” “Don’t you? / Don’t your actions tell me that I am inferior? / Aren’t you always quietly judging me?” “No, that is not the case / But I do think you judge me” “Yes” “But that does not bother me” “Shouldn’t it?” “For some it would / For you, I think it would” “And why do you think you are so great?” “I do not think I am great, I am just unsure if I am right or wrong / I could be wrong / I could be wrong / I don’t want to hurt anyone if it turns out I am wrong” “But what if you have to make a choice?” “A choice on what?” “Isn’t life about choices about the unknown? / You could hurt someone without intention” “Then I will do the best I can” “And what is the best you can” “Well, I will try my hardest to make the right choice / I will tear apart my mind, I will not be passive, I will dream and experiment, I will try to imagine all the quantum possibilities in my head, giving each and every one weight / Then close off all those options that are too likely to lead to the opposite of truth and goodness” “And what if you make a choice then lightning strikes all the tribe dead? Because of your choice” “Then that would be out of my control / But if it was to happen once, I would work to not let it happen again” “How would you do that?” “I would go to places where the trees are not scarred by lightning” “But what if you don’t have fire and then you need fire?” “We have fire” “And if we did not? / How would you make the choice between finding fire from the falling lightning or avoiding death from falling lightning?” “I would do the best that I can / There are endless paths open to us / Many are dead ends / Perhaps all are dead ends / But I will seek to kill the dead ends before they kill me / I will understand my mind and dream the universe around me / I will not make in the real world the same mistakes I make in my dreams / And when the universe decides to fight me / Then I will fight back” “Whatever the costs?” “Is this fight not the only thing that I have?” “But how do you know what to do?” “I will just try my hardest” “And what if your hardest is not enough?” “Then I will fail and hope that others better than me carry forward” “Why do you talk like this?” “Because it’s the only way that I know how” “How can we come from the same childhood but be so different?” “There is night and there is day but they are both parts of our life” “What does that mean?” “That we are different but the same” “I don’t know why you can’t just be a better hunter, a better tribe member” “Because we are going to all die very soon if we do not find a way to live better” “That is not true” “That is true / We almost just died of starvation, then we almost just died of cold / We see less life, less of our people / We are dying” “I am alive” “And so am I” “We are not going to die” “Some day we will die” “The tribe will grow!” “Is the tribe growing?” “You can’t be so negative about everything!” “We are talking about the death of our people” “I believe we will stay alive!” “I believe we have it in our destiny the potential to stay alive” “What is the difference?” “It is dependent on the choices we make” “I think you are weighing down the tribe by your inability to focus” “I do not question that is a potential truth / But I am trying as hard as I can / Everything is a potential truth until all the others are eliminated / There is only one truth and an infinite number of charades / I am seeking to follow the path of truth” “Well just work a bit harder” “Yes, brother, I will”
Chapter VI
A cry to shake the depths of the earth Amen in the pangs of giving birth Surrounded by womenfolk King, Goliath and I shudder with each scream / Out of the way of the women The giving of birth a terrible and beautiful miracle There is silence between us King to be a grandfather Goliath and I sure the child is one of ours / But not whose Amen a beautiful flower and in pain Death or life on our fingertips and in the air and the world is a mist and a confusion Seeds grow towards the sky / Seeds stepped on never grow King tells the story of the first time he made love He was young and a boy and it was in the world that was closer to Eden even though Eden was still faded There was a day where a girl just chose him, grabbed him by the hand and the cock and led him away He didn’t say a word / Just lay on her and came so quickly and she just smiled and touched his lips with her finger and kissed him softly and walked off They must have left the tribe for only five minutes Goliath tells the story of his first time with a woman He was in the full-moon and high on the fire And he was by himself and alone in his mind And a girl he refuses to name comes and talks to him He had told many he’d already been with women / But it had not been the case The girl was just talking to him And he was scared, scared And he wanted to lean forward and to touch her and to feel skin touch skin But he could not And he was trying to listen but none of her words came through his ears And then she just said to Goliath “If you want to fuck me, you can fuck me / Just don’t cum inside me, I don’t want to have a baby right now” And Goliath took off his clothes and penetrated her and came right away And she was angry and would not talk to him for some time But it was not Amen, it was not this baby I suppose I am supposed to tell the story of my first time being with a woman King is rocking back and forth, scared for Amen I am scared for Amen Goliath is scared for Amen There is nothing in the air but fear Soft Amen The world takes Screams in the air The desire to move farther As an ostrich, stick our head in the ground and hide from our terror But we are going to listen, we are not going to move We act as kings and leaders and men But we were but bawling babes, brought from the womb of our mothers, And many died, Mother and sister, Mother and brother, All the worlds that could have been, All the worlds they could have dreamed of and built We must not hide from the death of those who might have been us The fact we survived is the outlier Life such a surprise When death and emptiness such the norm of the universe In most realities I am not here “I am not sure the time I was first with a woman” “I thought I’d been with a woman the first time we kissed in the night and she touched my arm and we never touched more than that” “I was worried I had done something wrong / And perhaps a baby would grow from her mouth” “The first real time was after that, when I thought we were together and she was mine and I was hers” “And she told me that she’d wanted me to fuck her and I hadn’t and it hurt her, because she’d wanted to have been fucked and I had just lain there” “And I had thought my restraint had pleased her” “And then I was scared of her, that I could not please her, that she did not like me” “And I was unsure of what to do and I hid from her” “And I told people we’d fucked / But we hadn’t” “And I’d told people we were together / But we weren’t” “And she would treat me like normal and I would look at my feet in shame” “Then, later, I was drunk on the full moon” “There was dancing in every direction and I was having none of it” “Staying away, with the old ones / And they would ask me ‘Why are you not with the young ones?’ and I would just stumble” “And I could tell they understood and understood better than I” “And then I just got up, bravery in my blood for a moment I did not let pass” “As if walking off a cliff into the river: I told my feet to walk” “And I told my brain not to think” “And I went and there she was dancing and free and there was a group and they were all merry” “And I walked up and I took her hand and did not say a word and I took her to the bushes” “And I sang to her and it was terrible” “And I fucked her and I came so fast and she rolled her eyes” “But we lay next to each other and in the morning we fucked again” “And she told me ‘slower’ and I went slower” “And I could hear gasps in her throat” “And then we kept fucking and I came hard” “And was it Amen?” “No it was not Amen” I remember the time lightning struck so close that there was a fire in my beard I am scared of the night and if there is no fire I will not sleep I remember my mother carrying me on her back in the middle of the march, singing songs / My only memory of my mother I am scared of being an old man and dying and every day I grow weaker What if I do not accomplish those things I feel I have the potential in my destiny? I am unsure if I am worthy of love Sometimes I act without thought I often feel that I am incapable of being loved I often feel that I am incapable of giving love There is a woman’s moan and then a cry in the bush A human cry, a baby cry We all stay in silence and hold our silence and somehow we are all touching each other, shoulder to shoulder, we look in each other’s eyes A father and a grandfather stand in this group for the first time / We hold each other and give each other support Today, There is not death, There is new life
Chapter VII
And then suddenly day becomes night As we walk it is as if the sun has lost its fire We are in total blackness I am scared What if the sun does not come again? What evil is this? This has not happened before The moment is eternity Is this my death? Is this the death of the universe? King and Goliath both hold fire and it keeps the darkness at bay Women and children wail King booms in a loud voice “Do not be afraid” “I have not experienced this before, but there are many things in the world to experience” “Remember, we have made fire” “And even here” “As the fire of the sky disappears” “The fire that we, man, have made / Still endures” “If we had not made this fire then we would be in blackness” “But from our hands we have created light” “And with this light we will endure” “Do not be afraid” “Even though there is much to be afraid of” “For the world is always trying to doom us” “With hunger and cold and disease and war and injury” “But it is our choice to endure” “And whatever this new evil is” “We will endure it too” And while he speaks the sun comes back, blinding in a way that forces us to look away And it is as if it was never gone We carry on our march
In the evening King comes to me and asks if I will go for a walk It is dusk and the sky is a blue as deep as the deepest lake We walk and speak of small things The best berries to pick in the area The sweet smell of the trees How they would fit right into Eden We do not talk about the disappearance of the sun Even though it is on my mind King stops / Grabs my hands / He has a tremble / He looks in my eyes He asks me if I know the story of my own life I do not know what to say I know my parents are dead and we do not talk of them I know that I am not from this tribe / Everyone in the tribe is related by blood / But none of their blood runs through my veins I know that it is something I am not supposed to talk about Something I am not supposed to think about I tell him I do not know my own story He asks me if I want to know I am not sure that I want to know / I force my voice to say: yes, I want to know King tells me that he killed my father / And that he and his people killed all of those related to me by blood / The genocide of my people His hands that hold my hands were red with my father’s blood That he planned it and took part The story goes like this
Back when King was a young man, and the tribe was bigger, and King had his own King, and King was a dauphin Times were better than they are now But the times seemed to be at their very worst Eden was more fresh in the tribe’s mind The old women and old men could still talk about it as something that even if they had not seen, their parents had seen Hunger was a new challenge The witnessing of children with distended stomachs Witnessing the death of children These were sights that the tribe was not used to This was a time before the firestone / Since, in the past, fire had been easy to find The land had been bountiful and food had been easy But now the world had changed Fire was found and enjoyed and a wonder when it was received It was as the rain bringing fresh water to an arid plain When the fire would fall from heaven King’s tribe would rush to the site And, if luck was this day over their head They would find the fire alive A gift from the sky With fire they could light the forest on fire And drive out the animals into their waiting arms With fire they could cook the food And feel more satisfied With fire, they could quell the terror of the night The fire was precious The tribe would have their King at the front carrying a torch And the dauphin at the back carrying a torch And in the middle another torch being carried And there was never a time where the fire was not being carefully watched If one fire went out, then it would quickly be rekindled by another This would serve to keep the fire alive for days Weeks But rarely months Eventually the rain would come and quench the torches Or a great gust of wind would knock the tribe to the ground And with it extinguish the fire And when the fire was gone Then the people of the tribe would again be hungry Again have the terror of the night Then, as now, extinction reigned The tribe was not a tree growing towards the sky But a seed in the darkness of a cave Receiving no nourishment Not empowered to flourish In these times, there would be more meeting of tribes While in the time of Eden other tribes would be full of peace In these times of hardship the tribes would fear each other Envying after their resources Real or imagined Some tribes would have fire And it could be shared, or traded Or used as a weapon And there was no predicting if a hand would be extended in friendship Or used to cast stones During a time without fire, When things had been especially bad And death had become a sight as common as the rising sun Another tribe came to the small lake they were camped on This was a tribe unlike others Their numbers were not large But they were well fed Their skin clear They still had laughter in the air These were the people of Moses A lost tribe They saw the suffering and starvation of King’s people And left food on a large rock It was a gesture of friendship And a gesture of unimaginable wealth King’s King sent King to understand these new people How could they have so much / When King’s people had so little King, as a warrior in his prime And the dauphin Was to scout and understand What he witnessed was something he had never seen In the evening, from his perch spying Completely invisible to the new tribe He witnessed the King of the new tribe / Take a stone from around his neck And with a simple but powerful gesture Make sparks fly from the rock Onto dry tinder And a fire now existed Where before there had been no fire Now there was fire Just as if from the sky But instead from the hands of man King went back and talked to his King One on one And explained to him exactly what he saw The rock being used to make fire The power of the sky in a stone King’s King said this “Our people are starving and dying” “We will disappear soon” “This is my family” “We witness the lion chase a gazelle for food” “These other people are not my people” “The survival of my people / Is the most important thing” “We must take the firestone from them” “And use it to save our people” “We could ask them to share” “I appreciate the generosity they have already shown us” “But if they say no” “Then they will be ready to defend the firestone” “And we will not be able to beat them in our weakened state” King and King’s King made a plan A plan of evil to befall the people of Moses / A plan to steal the firestone They told the rest of their tribe the truth: that the other tribe had a way to make fire And that for their survival they must take it What they did was this They brought their singers and dancers together / Wearing all their finery And went to the edge, as a full tribe, of where the Fire Tribe was camped Their singers sang songs of wind, the sun and love Their dancers kicked rhythm into the earth They still had the food that the Fire Tribe had brought them And what they did, without fire, was to make a feast They danced and enjoyed and became hedonistic The Fire Tribe saw their merriment And, instead of showing fear, decided to make merry with them Just as we have done in the present with the other tribe They expanded their circle And allowed King’s people to join them at their fire They gave them torches to plant among their people / A gift of fire King’s King put on the fire their strongest magic leaves And it was a celebration of man brought together Perhaps the two tribes could become one tribe Man becoming more in the face of annihilation Goodness growing from its fight with darkness There was a hypothesis This could have happened But what if in the morning the other tribe left? And then King and his people would have fire for some time But then lose it again And begin to starve again In the deepest of the night While the other tribe slept Each and every man and woman of King’s tribe silently awoke And, acting as one Used rocks they had piled Smashed in the heads of the people of the Fire Tribe Each and every man, woman and child They were fast and efficient By the time cries and screams were heard It was already too late The momentum had already begun The massacre was over quickly after it started Except that the King of the Fire Tribe was not there He was not among his people And there was no firestone King’s people began to hunt for the King of the Fire Tribe Just as they would hunt a wild animal King was the one to find him Sitting under a tree / With a small stream behind him A baby in his arms / The firestone around the neck of the baby He did not say anything / His eyes black holes King went to him And with a rock smashed his head The head of the King of the Fire Tribe crushed like a melon King took the firestone from the neck of the baby But then, just as he was going to pulverize the baby The moon was obliterated from the sky Just like the sun had disappeared today And a true blackness descended around King King wondered if the world had decided to eat him for his evil He spent an eternity feeling the warm blood on his hands The darkness so absolute that he could see inside his own soul Gravity weighing the rock in his hands towards the baby And the wail of the baby in his ears King felt the weight of sin The moon came back But the fire of killing had abandoned King’s hand He took the baby and the firestone to his King He showed his King the motion of how to start the fire And now, they could make fire But King’s King told King to not share the secret For if others had the secret then they would be able to kill King But as long as they had the secret They were not men But nature / Lightning / Gods King did not ask if he could keep the baby But raised it as his own And of course the baby was Moses
King stopped talking Night was beginning to blacken the day Moses did not say anything He had already known in his heart this story King looked at him with shadows blocking his face “I am telling you this because for every day, for every moment since I used a rock to take the lives of your people, I have known that my life has been lived in error” “I had been so sure that my purpose was to see the survival of my people” “But then, even having won that victory, I have seen my people continue to perish” “Continue to go hungry” “The firestone did not bring us back to Eden” “What I reflect on is that we were, for a moment, back in Eden” “When we were with the other tribe” “Around the fire” “Expanding the circle” “We were better together for it” “We had lost many” “But could have gained more” “Then we listened to the worst part in our hearts” “We listened to the part that said ‘These others will do evil to us, so let us do evil first’” “And our only victory has been the death of a chance at Eden” “Our victory was in fact a defeat” “And myself, I know that for all the good I may do in the world” “The blood on my hands has spoiled the story of my life” “And even in the infinite of the universe” “I will never be anything except an enemy to man” “An enemy to the potential that humans have to grow, flourish and fulfill our cosmic purpose” “I am the disease that kills people” “I am a murderer” “And so are my people” “But those who did not kill do not have blood on their hands” “And they still have hope” “While those who have blood on their hands, of whom I am the last” “Our spirits are to be annihilated” “Even if I do good” “My spirit must be annihilated” “And no memory held for the life I lived” “Moses” “Our people are dying” “Not just the people of our tribe” “But our species” “I will die soon” “Death is in my air / I can feel it” “The sun disappearing today is linked to the moon disappearing” “Today is a reminder of the day I killed your father” “If I do not die tomorrow, then it will be before the next full moon, or before the next time a baby is born” “My time is being counted” “I need to tell you this now” “When I die” “You must be the one who leads our tribe” “Not Goliath” “For though Goliath does not carry my sins” “I am sure Goliath would repeat them again / For he cannot comprehend the evil of murder / Until after committing the act of murder” “But you / The last of your blood / Understand the terror of genocide / You comprehend the evil of murder” “You will not choose to kill your fellow man” “We must grow from my mistakes” “You must find a way to make the circle of mankind grow” “Not shrink” “We must not go extinct” “We have not fulfilled our purpose in the universe yet” “I am sorry for the terror that I befell on your family” “You must not forgive me / I must accept my punishment” “You must be better than my weakness” “Myself and my blood could have chosen any destiny” “But instead we chose the destiny of death” “And that will only lead to more death” “You have the capacity to choose a destiny greater than this” “And then, my own people shall be free” “For no baby is born with the sin of their father” “And through your goodness, my people shall become your people” “And good shall triumph over evil” “And my own story will be forgotten” “Replaced with the story of goodness”
Chapter VIII
It is the night and we huddle around the fire and King is dying and near death His raspy breathing hurts my soul He who was so strong is now so weak There is silence except for the crackle of fire, the soft whisper of the wind and the rasp of King’s final breaths “Please, hear my voice / While it is still in me to say it” “I appreciate my doom is here before me” “As I know how I lived my life” “I comprehend what awaits me in death” “There will be no afterlife for me” “My body will be absorbed into the ground” “And be nourishment for bugs and flowers” “Hopefully, they flourish” “In my life I tried for good” “I never gave up on the energy that I brought to all of you” “But I sacrificed my soul long ago” “I took the life of my fellow man” “I had hoped there was atonement” “I do believe now that there is atonement” “But not in a way that saves me” “Not in a way that saves my soul” “But, perhaps, in the example of my life” “Then you, the people that I love, the future of my species” “Will be my own afterlife” “Please listen and know that I do not know myself if there is truth in my words” “But what I am aware of is that these are the last words of my life” “I am weak, so please come close” “First, know that it is proper to defend yourself” “You must not allow those who would do evil to be unchallenged” “Letting yourself die unprotected is its own form of murder” “And I am sure as long as there are those who will do good / There will be those who do evil” “Protect yourselves / For our purpose is precious” “But do not cast the first stone” “Those that cast the first stone are not my people” “We must come together as a species” “We cannot tear ourselves apart” “And those that would tear others apart” “We will not cast the first stone against” “But nor will we save them” “For that is not our purpose” “Our purpose is something more holy” “Something to do with the concepts of infinite” “The way the light comes from the sun to awaken flowers” “We awaken in the morning and wonder what our purpose is” “And we do not know” “We awaken as a baby in our mother’s arms and wonder what our purpose is” “And we do not know” “Here I die, surrounded by my loved ones” “And I wonder what my purpose is” “And still, I do not know” “But I know that a life well lived serves a higher purpose” “That a life well lived impacts the smallest grain of sand and the greatest reaches of the universe” “All things that exist are connected” “A common thread through all existence” “Infinites rising ahead of us” “I do not know the future” “But I fear extinction” “And I fear extinction before man serves our purpose to the universe” “I cannot tell you how to live a life, outside of not casting the first stone” “But what I do know,” “What I do know” “Is that the entirety of the potential of mankind and the universe” “Is in every single one of us” “Is in all our ancestors” “Is in all our descendants” “Is in every single moment” “And that the purpose of existence will not be revelation as a flash” “But an understanding of something universal that is already in us” “So obvious we never thought to ask” “And I hope that by following our most true hearts” “That voice that lives in our most secret mind” “We do discover” “That revelation, which is our purpose in the universe” “I thank you for letting me live my life with you” “And I trust that as we are all warriors” “At war with the existence that seeks nothing but our annihilation” “That we remember the lesson of the flower” “A simple story of sun and good soil / And growing towards its purpose” “We can fight and flourish like the flower” “We will carry on with our holy mission / Like the flower” “I wish you the very best of luck” “I am glad I am not the last man alive” “If there is an afterlife, I will pray for all of you” King did not die that night But he did not speak again And the light left his eyes And the rasp of his breathing weakened And soon he was dead I will mourn him He who killed my father He who was the only father I ever knew What is it for man to be able to commit a sin that is unpardonable? I will mourn him
Goliath asks me to go for a walk Just after the last breath escaped King And Grandma began wailing He tells me that King told him earlier that he wanted me, Moses, to lead But that at the very end he told Goliath that it should be Goliath who leads That my time will come But that our people need the blood of King in their leader I look at him and I diminish in myself Is it not for me to rise up and stop this usurpation? King had a wish And I diminish in myself I ask Goliath why he wants to lead He tells me that he knows the destiny of his people That he sees the promised land He asks me if I see the promised land? / If I know the path? I tell him the truth: I do not He asks me how can I be the leader if I do not know the direction to lead I give him silence / And I diminish He tells me he will be a good leader He tells me he will be the best leader our people could hope for I tell him then I will follow him as I followed King To which he says “No, you shall follow me as Goliath” We walk back to the tribe / Him head held high / Myself diminished
Chapter IX
Goliath is King Goliath is Goliath He speaks with his heart I respect him for this The words he says are not the words of King But then Goliath is Goliath He speaks like this “There was a time when we were in Eden” “And the land provided for us” “And everything was good” “We are not in Eden anymore” “And I tell you: I know the reason” “King told me the answer as he died” “Our killing of the firestone’s people was a sin” “And for this sin the magic in the firestone has laid a curse on us” “But we must fear not” “For in our sin is our salvation” “As I hold the firestone, I can feel that it is as the sky and the water and the moon” “It is a Force” “The firestone is a God” “As I sleep I can hear its voice” “And what it whispers to me in my dreams” “Is that it will lift the curse it has put on our tribe” “If we atone for our sins” “By bringing the firestone back across the mountain” “Back to Eden” “Back to its own people” “Where we shall beg forgiveness” “And seek to build a future together / As one tribe” “And we shall regain our lost paradise” “It is this that the firestone has told me” “We shall be cursed with death and hunger and fear” “Until we do as the firestone says” I question what Goliath is saying, but I see that he is seeking goodness And a path forward The mountain path scares me Death stalked us there before But the others are willing to follow Goliath Here I have a choice I know I have a choice I always have a choice King told me to lead And the path in my heart is different than the path Goliath suggests I do not believe that the firestone, treasure from my own people, is anything but a very special rock It holds no voice So then whose voice is leading Goliath? Who is speaking in his dreams? I do not believe going back to Eden is our salvation Our elders left Eden as a wasteland To go over the mountains to a wasteland is dangerous There can be no atonement made to the firestone people My own people Because I know they are all dead That I am the last There is no atonement owed by anyone living The killers are dead King was the last Now, we must not be trapped by the sins of the past We must learn from our past to build a better future We must not let King’s life have been in vain We must not let my people’s lives have been in vain There is no purpose to find the bones of my mother and father and brothers and sisters Whom I cannot remember But whom I still look in the stars and see I have a choice And if I choose to force my choice on the tribe Then there will be a fight / A sin when we are so diminished The right choice and the wrong choice at the same time Or I can choose to follow Goliath And deny my heart That which my heart tells me is truth But avoid conflict The wrong choice and the right choice at the same time It is as the Heisenberg uncertainty principle Either I interject my will And change the trajectory of our people Perhaps for the worse / Perhaps for the better Or I follow And do not know myself I never asked for existence But here I am Superimposed between the two choices A choice must be made Time flowing in a single dimension Like a river full of forks Today, I will follow Goliath And I know that what starts today Leads into tomorrow I have chosen I am living my life in vain It is a sin, I know this
Chapter X
The tribe walks towards the mountains that rise to touch the evening moon Piercing deep into the sky, like the teeth of an old woman Goliath leads, holding the firestone as a totem All others follow, I follow We are more quiet than before We remember those who died the last time we crossed these same mountains I remember Dallas finding eggs to feed our children / Then dying that same night In the evenings Goliath has us circle around him Before he will set the fire he demands we recite words We must apologize for our sins to the firestone We must thank the firestone for making our fire In the first days we address the firestone directly As the days pass Goliath tells us to address him, not the firestone For he is the translator of the firestone One day Goliath tells a young girl “You have not thanked the firestone properly” He asks her to come with him for a lesson on the firestone Alone and away When she comes back she is a woman Such is the way of the world The firestone begins to tell Goliath many things That he should have the best choice of food That the leaf we smoke in the evenings should be only for him That those whose attitude is not correct are disobeying the firestone And the firestone asks for the punishment of the disobedient Every night, We thank the firestone We thank the firestone through Goliath And this bothers me The firestone is just a stone It is not a person It is not a god It is an object One day while we are thanking the firestone By thanking Goliath I decide to push back Just softly “Goliath,” I say “It is good for us to be thankful, but does the firestone really have a voice?” Goliath jumps over to me and hits me on the side of the head with the firestone Hard I am on the ground I am unable to see The world is a series of colours I am unfamiliar with Perhaps this is death? But no, the colours clouding my vision part Leaving terrific pain and the voice of Goliath Not addressing me, instead addressing all the others “We have been given the gift of fire from the firestone” “This is what gives us heat in the evening” “This is what makes our food so rich” “This is what keeps us safe from the beasts of the night” “The firestone is our God” “We must do what it says” “It has already shown us its power” “It has taken Eden from us” “If we anger the firestone it will take away what little we have left” “Do you want our children to starve?” “We must not anger our God” “I know what it says” “It speaks to me” “All day I hear the voice of the firestone” “And I tell you it is angry with us” “It is angry for it knows our hearts are not pure” “I have told the firestone that my heart is pure” “But the firestone tells me it is not the case of those around me” “And I tell the firestone how can that be?” “Every night each and every one of our tribe swears to the firestone” “We are a pure people / Without lies” “And then” “And then” “I hear Moses blaspheme against the firestone” “And I know that again the firestone has spoken the truth” “Moses, I will strike you dead” “Brother that you are to me” “If you do not accept the holiness of the firestone” “The fact that it is our life / That we are its servants” “You are the last of the firestone’s people” “How can you be the most unappreciative?” “But now the mysterious words of the firestone are making sense to me” “I now know the truth!” “King did not sin by taking the firestone from your people” “King liberated the firestone!” “For your people were blasphemous” “And did not worship the firestone as it demanded” “And in your pride” “In your lack of worship” “The firestone used King and our people as a tool” “For the firestone is too precious to be worshipped insufficiently” “Moses,” “You are wrong” “The firestone tells me you are wrong” “The firestone tells me that you are a sinner” “That you are against the magic that the firestone brings to us” “And while I love you” “As my father King loved you” “I tell you, you must leave” “You must leave our tribe” “I exile you” “For there can be no crack in our servitude to the firestone” “For a crack can spread” “And we are chasing Eden” “The survival of our people” “Not doom / And decay / And death” “As you bring” “Leave, brother” “Leave or I shall kill you” “All,” “My people” “Gather stones” “And we will give Moses a moment” “For the firestone does not tell me to kill my brother” “But that he is a threat” “And as we would throw stones at an animal that threatens our babes” “So will we throw stones at Moses” “He who threatens something even more important than our babes” “The very existence of our species” “Which only exists at the pleasure of the firestone” “Go my brother” “Go Moses” “Go now” My head is in pain I see the others and I look to meet any eye But none stare at me Children gather stones / Obeying Goliath Amen looks at her feet / Grandma stands behind Goliath None stare at me I do not know what is in their hearts Be it fear or worship or other What I know is that no one will help me And I do not wish to die here today I take my possessions and I walk away Into the cold Into exile Knowing in my heart That the thread of the future that is most open to me Is death in the wild My string of existence extinguished What sin is there in me? What sin is there in my heart? What sin is there in my heart / That has led to my extermination, And to the extermination of my people? Why is my soul stained with sin? For surely the universe has chosen to punish me for my sins But King said the next generation does not carry the sin of its fathers That there is no original sin And for all that the world has cursed me / I still trust my heart I renounce my curse I renounce my destiny I renounce every strand of reality except the one that is the truth in my heart I will trust only what is true inside my heart, no matter the cost I know death and annihilation are always at hand That existence is a thin blanket in the void of non-existence I know that of the billion realities that could be / The one I chase is unlikely to pass But I shall still only follow the truth in my heart For following the truth is the meaning of my life As I walk into exile I shed my past weakness as a snake sheds its skin I undergo metamorphosis I choose now, in my exile, to name the truth in my heart God And I create a name for the truth in my heart For Truth is Asha And I create a name for the purpose in following Asha For Purpose is Dharma Our Purpose is our Dharma / And our Dharma is to follow Asha / And our Asha is Truth / The Truth of our heart I know in my heart that the firestone is not God It is nothing but a stone that Goliath has transformed into an idol And while that can have meaning, The meaning that we give it It can give direction to an aimless person It is the wrong answer To the right question What then does my own heart say? As I walk away from my tribe The only people with ten fingers and ten toes that I have seen in many sunrises I discover, In my heart And through the quantum pathways of my neocortex / As they remember infinite / As they operate outside of time I discover Several truths Every piece of me Every string of DNA Every atom Has hardcoded in it a truth that is divine Divine in the way that Goliath has given to the firestone But coming from within Not from without At every moment of my life I have heard the song that lives so deep inside me A music that washes over the whole of existence That which tells the flower to grow towards the sun And the earth to provide nurture to the flower This same truth vibrates over all existence Surrounding us as the water surrounds a fish So universal that we do not see it It is Asha Asha is Truth Asha is the aether Asha is what we carry from before the big bang Asha is what tells the flower to rise towards the sun Asha is what is at the very end of a neural pathway Asha is physical / Asha is spiritual / Asha is in every moment Asha is Truth Why have I ignored the song of Asha in my heart? Why have I not followed my Asha? Because I am a follower? But to follow in opposition to Asha is a sin I have followed the darkness because to follow the light is just too hard I have not been strong enough to follow my Asha I must be strong enough to follow my Asha Even if the world shall turn to fire And there is but one safe place And all others go to safety inside this sanctuary If the truth of my Asha That thread which is in me every moment of my life Tells me “NO”, do not go Then I shall not follow the rest of humanity Then what is my Dharma? / The purpose of my life? It is the same for a man as for a flower It is the easiest thing to know / And the hardest thing to do Just follow Asha I just need to follow the truth of my Asha to live a good life This is my Dharma For existence is a fool’s game Flowers bloom / Then fall to the earth and become dirt Most of existence will decay away A wave that disappears, leaving no ripple But not all existence must decay away Chaos theory just half of reality For, as with the wind from the wings of a butterfly Or a single drop of rain A change at the right place At the right time Can transform the universe The universe always has the potential of metamorphosis Just as our bodies are a universe That before birth existed And after death will exist For we are matter and matter is energy And energy can neither be created nor destroyed, just transformed The fundamental equation of the universe being energy equals energy We have a purpose We have a purpose And our purpose is to follow the Asha in our heart To not hide from the voice that is in every moment of our existence For lying in the face of Asha Is original sin I have been weak But in my isolation I shall be weak no longer I will follow this Truth / Asha / Dharma / Purpose / The Holy Spirit And with it, I have the potential to unlock the universe Whatever that may mean, I do not know But I know that by not following Asha All there is / Is darkness The extinguishing of the infinite strand of hope I will go hand in hand with my heart There is a piece of truth in my heart that I can understand A spiritual Polaris A translation of theory into the world around me It is not in my purpose to witness my people The people of the tribe that exterminated my only blood Exterminate themselves The extermination of my brothers and sisters is not Asha The extermination of my brothers and sisters is not my Dharma I follow the tribe from a distance Easily following the smoke of the fire As I follow I begin to make a prayer in my heart That from this day forward I will say every day / Until my dying day Be that tomorrow or in the future when the sun extinguishes forever I will say it as I wash myself The prayer is like this “Thank you my God” “For this day” “I hope that I see beauty, share beauty, revel in beauty and be beauty” “May I be ever expanding peace, perfection and grace” “Mind, body and soul” “May I be as a tree” “Absorbing all that the world throws at me” “But putting out only goodness” “May I be as a seed” “Growing towards my purpose” “My God,” “May I this day” “As a leader or a follower” “The first or the last” “Standing on the shoulders of giants” “Giants standing on my own shoulders” “Alone, or with a tribe” “With your hand on my hand, on the tiller of my life” “May we work towards a quantum optimization” “Of myself and those around me” “To be scalably empowered” “To achieve our cosmic purpose” “Just as a seed grows into a tree transforms into a star” “Or Gravity brings mass together” “To supernova” “To form black holes” “May human beings be empowered to fulfill our cosmic purpose” “May I be unwavering and disciplined as I seek my quantum optimization” “Watch over those that I love” “May I make today count” I continue forward Every step may be a step where I fall Struck by lightning Attacked by an animal But every step that the universe deigns to give me Is a step forward And I will not squander it I have fear But I will not be defined by my fear I will follow my Dharma I will follow Asha
Chapter XI
I am asleep I know I am asleep because I just fell asleep Alone, with the faint light of the tribe in the distance Worried about beasts of the night devouring my flesh The things one worries about in the night alone And now I am awoken This must be a dream Or it is death Or some other realm which I do not know I do not normally dream But I think this may be a dream This feeling of reality The ground feels like the ground The air smells like the air, crisp I am sitting by the fire King is telling a story The rest of the tribe is here Not as we are But as we were long ago Dallas still with us Amen with the beauty of untapped youth Even myself, my legs have an energy As if I should dance A smile plays on Grandma’s lips She looks at me / And I think she knows what is going on I know this is not real But I wrap myself in it The comfort of the fire and King’s voice Carrying me away This was a time of peace How nice it was How nice it was My head is nodding off Falling asleep in my own dream I stand and walk over to the sleeping area Putting my feet towards the fire Curling with the children and others, all of us keeping warm I vaguely wonder if going to sleep in a dream means I will wake up in reality That would be too bad It is nice in this dream If I could just stay here forever Is that what death is? The air stays crisp As the universe melts away around me Asleep Then Shouting It is Dallas Alive and vibrant Shaking me “Moses!” “We are in danger” “We are being attacked” “Come quickly” I jump to my feet And Dallas is running And I follow after him I yell at him “What is happening?” He does not respond I keep running It is just the two of us I stop and he stops “You must come” “Do you not care about our safety?” The sky is a colour between blue, purple and grey “I do not understand” I am asleep again But still in the dream Dallas has gone And I am now waking up And Amen is curled next to me And it feels good to have this warm body next to me I look down at her And she looks up at me And smiles And I smile back She whispers to me “Our child will have your eyes” “I am sure” “And we shall name the child Messiah” “For whether a boy or a girl” “He will be the saviour” “She will be the saviour” “Tell me you will sacrifice anything” “For our child” I look to her Confused And stroke her hair And say nothing And she says again “Tell me” And I should tell her But what is it she is telling me? I look at the sky And I see the stars of the universe Infinite black With pinholes of luminescence Down is up Up is down I am awake There is a spear in my hand There is a sobbing adolescent at my feet Goliath is shouting at me “He was the one who told the tribe where your people are” “He was fucking one of our girls” “And we caught him and he told us the magic of the firestone” “To save himself!” “Strike him down” “For the honour of your father” “For the honour of your mother” I throw the spear down And I begin running away The air tasting acrid Goliath shouts after me “You are a-tribe-one, last of your own people” I am awoken again Dallas and Amen and Goliath are here “It is time” “We must go” “You must follow us” “You must trust us” I wish as a child to shut my eyes / To cover my ears And avoid the universe that is displayed around me These are not the trajectories that I wish to go through These are not the quantum paths that I wish to live through This is not Asha I want to be myself I stand and run And they chase me Dallas on my back, His teeth suddenly in my flesh Goliath taking a giant rock That I see crashing towards my head And above his hands Again the night sky And then I find myself floating in blackness Nothing but my mind I cannot feel my body And then I am in a cave And it is full of the light of the day But we are fully inside Where does this light come from? King is sitting on a chair, The grandeur of which I have never seen before Light comes from him As water comes from a waterfall He looks to me “Moses,” “How did you come to be here?” “What takes you here today?” “No one is supposed to visit me here” “Only the very few” “Tarkovsky was the last” “What can I do for you?” Words come out of my mouth but they are not my own words Then I blink and the world is changed It is still King But he looks tired And the light has stopped coming from him “Moses, how did you come to be here?” “You are the last one here before Taerkoevskiy” “Can you do me a favour?” And I stand and begin running again And King shouts “Why do you run?” And then I see Amen “Why do you run?” And Goliath and Dallas and Amen and King are chasing me And I run And then there is Grandma Under a tree In darkness / Wrapping her like the wings of a raven “RUN!” And I keep running And there is a cliff in front of me And if I go over the cliff I shall surely perish And my feet carry me over the cliff And I am not dead I am in a field of grass And the field of grass is on fire And the air is an orange haze And death is chasing me at every angle And in these grasses my doom is searching for me And as the fire scours searching for me I lie on my back Feeling the ground And I look to the sky And it is black And full of stars And I fall into it As if through the meniscus of a flat body of water My changing from matter to energy to time And it feels as if the entire world is made of rainbows And a sense that is like seeing Or touching Is given to me And it was not there before It is like being a tree With roots connecting me to the universe around me I can feel my before I can feel my after All at the same time As if they are one and the same And I see these black ants eating my flesh And I wonder if I can breathe And there is no oxygen My lungs screaming But then a new lung opens And I breathe in the air of a new aether I awaken again This time alone With the faint vision of the fire in the distance / Surrounding Goliath’s tribe I am worried about hostile animals Coming to savage my soft body I am worried for Goliath and Dallas and Amen and King Those who are not the real thems But the black ants eating my trunk What is this cancer inhabiting their minds? I am scared and alone But yet I am also the great tree that I was in my dream I can feel my backwards and I can feel my forwards Was this feeling always here? It is so obvious how I am connected in the world The past an infinite number of variables Combining at this exact point of who I am The future an infinite number of variables Exploding forward From this very moment Who I am I have choice The future comes from this moment I weave the future I dream new realities I expand infinite I can see the lattices and webs all around me Each painting a scene as to a hypothesis of what the universe can be And all there is in me Is the present As I choose the point along my pasts and futures Of where I choose to exist And I am scared For I do not know the right way But then, I am not scared For I do know the way For there is only one right way And while it may be the hardest I know the path forward / It is Asha / It is Dharma It is the path of God And all else is our annihilation
Chapter XII
And what do I make of all of this? I do not feel designed to answer these questions that vibrate through my head I cannot deny the temptation to give up I am in exile Spurned and outcast by those I love Those of my own blood killed at the hands of those who are now my people Still my people / Even as they exile me I can feel the weight of the universe holding me down to the ground Stopping me from rising into the air / Like smoke from a fire If only I could be smoke Rising so elegantly If only I could be fire Why cannot I be free? To act as if Gravity is not a Force To change from darkness to light to heat to energy To ignore the realities of the world as if they are nothing Light and heat instead of matter and choice But then what if the fire looks with envy at my being? Jealous of my ability to perceive abstract thought What if Gravity is not my enemy But my ally Misunderstood Both of us lost / Both of us trying to follow the same Asha But so isolated that we both lost the question of ‘Why do we act?’ We just know the way we act is our nature / We have no ability to turn off / We are only on Perhaps there is nothing more than our nature
Particles forgetting we are also a wave
I am sure of one thing I am not a slave to the universe Even if the universe for reasons I cannot understand seeks to hide this truth I do have free will I have the free will to go back to Goliath and beg forgiveness I have the freedom to curl on my side To wait for cold, hunger and animals to take my life away Freedom is always in my hands There is only one thing I do not have freedom over I do not have the freedom to choose my purpose I have the freedom to choose to follow my purpose / Or to not follow my purpose Which is the same as to choose to exist / Or to choose not to exist But I do not have the freedom to choose my purpose I can feel Asha reverberating in every cell of my existence The truth of the universe hardcoded into every string of my DNA The channels existing in my quantum neural network since before the big bang A true path lit bright as lightning through the middle of my mind, so bright it burns and blinds A path that comes from a dimension other than the one we sit in And where this path leads is the purpose of our being the Weak Nuclear Force For we are the Weak Nuclear Force / Did you not know? One of the four Forces / Along with Gravity, Electromagnetism and the Strong Nuclear Force We are not just man / But also a fundamental Force of nature Not separate from the mathematics of the universe / Instead, a variable Human beings passing only forward in time Changing the world around us Expanding infinite by dreaming of new paths forward Only one in a billion of our paths bear fruit But one in a billion is infinitely larger than zero And zero is what we have if we do not try This is the path of purpose For even though existence is empty and cold and terror eats my heart The path of truth is still in front of me / Just as it is in front of you / For while there is life / There is Asha / And the choice to follow Asha And what we have freedom over is whether we ignore our purpose Or whether we follow our purpose But if I am to follow my purpose Then I have no freedom For there is only one path of truth It is a mountain to climb to the very summit The most challenging path imaginable Ignoring all those other paths For they do not lead to the summit And what do I find if I reach the summit? I do not know I do not know if it is in destiny to ever reach the summit That may be more than me or mankind or even Gravity will ever achieve But if I go as high as I can and lay a thin sprinkling of dust Then those who come after me will be slightly higher Slightly closer to heaven And it is here that there is eternal life It is here we plant the seeds of the future Growing into a tree That can grow to touch the sun And then when we’ve touched the sun We spread to the stars And once we have all the universe as a single garden And everything in existence is together Then we are at God Or with God’s purpose For the reason why the universe exists Is fulfilled Instead of unfulfilled And where the universe goes afterwards / Is up to the universe I now understand / My metamorphosis is complete I know how to live my life To act not in metaphor and theory But to act on my purpose / To follow my Dharma To act on the honesty of my heart / To act on Asha To not give up To be the Weak Nuclear Force To unwaveringly work towards my purpose No matter the low odds of my achieving it To act without cease To embrace being a Force like Gravity / Or a particlewave of light The universe so vast and infinitesimal at the same time But that shall not stop me taking this first step The first step is for me to choose to follow my Asha The first step is to choose to exist And not choose my own extinction The next choice is to bring my people with me For I am but one And this is a task for forever And together with my people we are a force multiplier Many rays of light / To shine in every direction A field of flowers / To find the path to bloom A wave of linked humanity / Made up of our individual persons to form a collective The song of our voice carrying our truth from the beginning of the universe until its end The unbroken path of Asha / The lightning in each and every one of our minds / Made manifest The potential is there / If but one in a billion / The potential is there / If we choose to act towards it It would be a shame for the universe to lose our voice For we can be the equation that connects the universe together Our hands the link between Gravity and light We have the potential / Even if we do not know it Each of us enslaved in Plato’s cave Each of us wearing self-made chains All of us born without frames of reference A baby on our back overloaded by sensory input Turn it off / Turn it off It takes a life of living to understand what life is Yet we get to live just once Easy lies have clouded our judgement “This is not the life that counts, it is the next one” Looking backwards to try to understand forwards When the future is not yet written We must be more than the sum of our parts A network together Then, once we are together, we shall follow the flowers Follow the fire Follow the smoke And follow the rising sun Which I am not sure why But I know is my Dharma To bring energy together From fire to the sun All energy must be one It will bring us to the future that is our potential If we could go backwards to our beginning The origin of the first particlewave of light That could be the fastest path to purpose But we can only go forward That is the curse of the Weak Nuclear Force We can only go forward So let us follow where the particlewave of light ends In my end is my beginning Time a one-way journey for man In my beginning is my end As the Weak Nuclear Force we are slaves to our own laws of the universe We experience the anomaly of choice The most terrifying aspect in the entirety of the universe The temptation of the devil For as we are free Then we have the sole ability in all the universe To deviate from our purpose When our purpose Is just as the flower’s Just as Gravity’s Just as a particlewave’s of light To be one Everything in existence to be one Free will our temptation Free will our original sin Free will distracting us from our purpose Our purpose to fulfill our role in the universe Asha Dharma Truth